Taking baby steps
I’m back. Little steps at a time. At the end of January I was hit hard by a chest infection which took me out of action for a couple of months. I lost my way a bit getting over it. Just getting through the daily grind of life was the priority and anything extra felt too much.
Then life seemed to keep firing at me in all directions and I withdrew. I am learning this tends to be my default if things get tough. I am realising that I find it easier to keep showing up for others when things feel hard than for myself. So the things I want to do for myself quickly fall by the wayside. I make excuse after excuse of why I can’t possibly make time for creating, blogging, exercising and working on my own goals. Far easier to hibernate than show up and put myself out there.
Over the summer I have felt increasingly disconnected from all the things that usually bring me joy. I had separated myself so much that I ended up feeling lost.
So it is time to realign myself with what brings me joy; whether that is writing, creating, scrapbooking, throwing paint at a piece of paper, exercising, or getting out in nature. It is okay to make time for these things and not feel guilty. Reminding myself that Little baby steps are all it takes and better than nothing at all. Also recognising that Nothing needs to be perfect. It is for me and not for anyone else.
Making space
Yesterday I made time to clear out my craft room. It is something I have been putting off too. Full of cold and head feeling full, to point of overflowing it was definitely time. I took my time and worked through at a pace that felt manageable.
For some time my creative space, usually my safe haven, has been feeling full and overwhelming I have avoided wanting to go in and create. The clutter in the room has become connected with how my head has been feeling.
It was time to make space to create. I have always found it difficult to let things go. This has been through worrying I am being wasteful or attributing emotional value to objects so not wanting to let them go. This has been especially difficult with letting go of things of my daughter’s. I have found it so difficult to let go of her baby things. My daughter and I have been watching Stacey Solomon’s amazing ‘Sort Your life out’ programme and it has been so reassuring and helpful to remind me that I am definitely not alone in this. And learning it is okay to let go.
Back to my craft room; there was stuff everywhere. I was holding on to supplies that were not my taste anymore, I’d been given so felt I needed to hold on to, endless scraps of paper. This is definitely something as papercrafters I think so many of us do. We might use it eventually. However it had got out of control. It was time for a purge so I would want to actually do some creating in a space that felt open and clear to do so.
Reconnecting with my word ‘One Little Word’ Listen
In my own way I have been creating through showing up to the One little Word project created by Ali Edwards. I have been learning alot through my word for the year ‘Listen’. In many ways it has not been what I expected. I have completed the prompts set by Ali Edwards and her One Little Word team each month.
Mostly though It has been the quiet inbetween moments though that have connected me with my word. Listening to what I need physically and mentally has been the hardest. Slowing down when needing to has been challenging. so much guilt. I am proud of myself for meditating everyday this year with the help of the calm app. Trying new techniques to reconnect my mind and body with my first experience of reiki and trying tapping. Both have been so worthwhile in their own ways. Reconnecting with my love of books. I have been creating without realising by keeping a book journal of all the books I have been reading. With a memory like sieve, it has been a great way to keep a record of the books I have enjoyed and connect reading with playing with stamps and stickers.
So much more work to do to continue to make my way through the haze. But as my husband keeps reminding me; take the first step. so I’m off to create, not for an end product, but because I enjoy the process. for me that is what it is all about and that is what I will be reminding myself of when it feels hard to show to. When things feel heavy it is so easy to not see the beauty around us. It is always there though. Mother nature is there inspiring us everyday in so many ways. A recent sunset I watched with my family was the definitely the reminder I needed.
Thanks for reading.
